Excerpts from an Imaginary Cinema Diary, 1876-Present
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April 6, 1917 [Teddy at the Throttle]
The United States has formally declared war on Germany. Wilson's been blinded by the lightning of history. I listened to Mozart's Clarinet Concerto in A Major. It would be presumptuous of me to mention how beautiful it is, so I won't. My children are sleeping, as is my wife. It's too late to write anything—although I did see some damned thing, Teddy at the Throttle, in which Bobby Vernon, Wallace Beery and Gloria Swanson (by auto, bicycle, train) attempt either to hoodwink, love, chase, or crush each other. In the end, the survivors, like so many before them—but how many from now on?—ride cozily on a cow-catcher, the wind and rain long forgotten, the villain thwarted, easy as drowning kittens. Once again, what damned fun the cinema provides!
The United States has formally declared war on Germany. Wilson's been blinded by the lightning of history. I listened to Mozart's Clarinet Concerto in A Major. It would be presumptuous of me to mention how beautiful it is, so I won't. My children are sleeping, as is my wife. It's too late to write anything—although I did see some damned thing, Teddy at the Throttle, in which Bobby Vernon, Wallace Beery and Gloria Swanson (by auto, bicycle, train) attempt either to hoodwink, love, chase, or crush each other. In the end, the survivors, like so many before them—but how many from now on?—ride cozily on a cow-catcher, the wind and rain long forgotten, the villain thwarted, easy as drowning kittens. Once again, what damned fun the cinema provides!
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